Danny, Tom and Nathan

Holy GOD what a FOOD FEST we had today. My foodie partner-in-crime Mr. Daniel Jackson and I woke up late on a lazy Saturday morning and just knew - it was a brunch morning. While Danny walked the pup I scoped out the neighborhood offerings - Melt looked okay; Flatbush Farm, overpriced; Rosewater sounded INCREDIBLE but a little too chi-chi for our taste (this was definitely a greasy-spoon kind of morning), and 2nd Street Cafe, my old standby, to my great dismay, has (gasp) CLOSED! Things are not looking good...

But then I remembered that the godliest of all diners (and rumored setting of that old Suzanne Vega song "Tom's Diner", FYI).... is a mere 8 blocks from my house. BINGO!!

We stroll up to Tom's and as usual, there is quite a line snaking out the front door (Saturday morning is primetime, as they are mysteriously closed on Sundays), but Tom's is famous for taking care of their customers, even BEFORE they sit down - within 30 seconds of getting in line we were greeted with two tall glasses of ice water; a minute later, and assortment of cookies to choose from; a few minutes after that, fresh orange slices. And once the line moved inside, the freebies got exponentially better - little samples of their famous pork sausages, french fries with a delectably smoky chipotle mayo, and whole cups of coffee, milk and sugar optional... for FREE! I love this place. The line moved quickly and within 15 minutes we had a cozy window seat with a prime view of the kitchen, where we could greedily watch order after decadent order make its way out into the raucous dining room. Time to direct a few of those delicacies towards OUR table...

Tom's is famous for their flavored butters - strawberry, cinnamon-sugar, and lime - so we knew we HAD to get some sort of sweet doughy delight to sop it up with (I mean, do you think we give a shit about our cholesterol? PLEASE...), plus something savory to round out the meal... 

We settled on the decadent, somewhat improvised banana-blueberry-walnut pancakes (the blueberries were our idea; creative, I know..) with a side of their fantastically snappy pork sausage, and for savory, a veggie omelette (which we slathered with more of that addictive chipotle mayo... cholesterol? Never heard of it...) with a heaping side of cheese grits... PERFECTION.

And just to push the whole thing over the top, Danny threw in a big fat chocolate milkshake at the last minute - and one of those colossal, diner-style shakes too, that comes with not only a full glass, but an additional metal cup brimming with the stuff. It's almost too much... almost. ;-)

Needless to say, we were absolutely crippled for several hours... and yet, we had planned to make and appearance at the Siren Music Festival in Coney Island, so by god, we were gonna do it! We loaded our fat asses onto the N train and emerged at the Coney Island boardwalk, sauna-like one one of the hottest days we've seen all summer, and marveled at the utter American-ness that is Coney Island: gluttony, consumerism, and pre-fab fun. Whee!

Two beers, one police summons (yes, we somehow managed to get a ticket for our discreetly wrapped, "open containers" of beer... despite the fact that we were SURROUNDED by belligerent tourists with giant neon "souvenir cups" overflowing with toxic sex-on-the-mai-tai-coladas that just screamed "I'm an alcoholic beverage!!!", but no; our innocent, not-yet-sipped Coors were somehow more incriminating... I don't want to talk about it), and five-plus bands later, we had managed to work up an appetite worthy of braving the wrap-around line at Nathan's.

I assumed I'd do my usual ketchup-and-mustard combo, but there discreetly stated at the bottom of the menu, I saw "sauerkraut and onions upon request"... delicious, underpublicized toppings for free? Um, yes please!! That, a few sips of Danny's lemonade and a fry or two from our friend Paul's basket who we picked up along the way, and we were ready to tuck our stuffed little bellies into BED.